If knitting stitches were eggs

‘I’ve lost my count!’ Shana wailed. A fine time to lose count, I thought. She could have done it at some other time than while working on a ย Top Secret new project ๐Ÿ™‚

But the wailing continued…

‘I have forty-eight stitches here…’

‘Now just hold it there a moment,’ I said. ‘This isn’t going to turn into one of those math headaches like the one about how long it takes two men to fill a bath and what happens if they rope in two more workers, is it?’

‘No of course not,’ said Shana. But I was not entirely reassured.

‘And you promise it won’t deteriorate into one of those “Let x equal the number of stitches” algebra nightmares?’

‘Certainly not,’ said Shana.

‘Very well then. Go ahead and state your problem,’ I said.

‘Well, I’ve just forgotten how to divide forty-eight by twelve,’ said Shana. An embarrassing difficulty, I thought, especially for Shana, who studied accountancy many years ago when the abacus still ruled the world ๐Ÿ™‚

‘Let’s make it easy,’ I said. ‘Try to imagine the twelve is, say, a dozen eggs. Instead of worrying about stitches, look at it as four dozen eggs. See? Your forty-eight eggs divided by twelve is four. Got it?’

‘Thanks a lot,’ said Shana. ‘You’ve been a great help.’ Shana’s subtle intonation suggested, however, that she rather thought otherwise. And that if those stitches had indeed been eggs, I would now have a bonce fairly covered in yolk.

‘You’re most welcome,’ I said, thick-skinnedly. ‘Don’t mention it.’

Now, why do I have a sudden appetite for a supersized egg and bacon omelette?

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A-mews-ment

Needed something to make me laugh this morning,ย one of my designs is fighting back, I’ve tried knitting it, purling it, threw two colours at it…it’s just not working. So I shall take a deep breath, have a mug of strong tea, then try again. Failure is not an option!

yarnover

I love to go a Wanda-ing

‘No question about it. You just have to buy that book,’ I said, listening to Shana describe something she’d found on eBay.

‘But you don’t even do crochet, so what possible use is it to you?’

‘Who cares!’ I insisted. ‘That is just such a fantastic name for an author. You couldn’t make it up. I…we…simply must have it.’

And that is how we came to have a British first edition copy of ‘Stitches, Patterns & Projects for Crochet’ by (wait for it, wait for it…) none other than Wanda Bonando. What a marvelous moniker.

Translated by Sylvia Mulcahy from the original Italian, Shana found some of it that seemed to have been rendered into gibberish instead: some of the great Wanda’s patterns were not working out well. Two days after receiving the book, Shana finally realised that the patterns were written using UK terminology, as opposed to the US style, which is virtually standard in the world of crochet, no matter what country you are in. If you don’t know about this kind of thing, it’s quite simple really: anything you crochet using US-style instructions will turn out at least 50% larger than the equivalent British instructions. The reason for this is obvious: Americans need to crochet bigger woolly hats…because they have bigger woolly heads ๐Ÿ™‚

Before all of the above dawned on Shana, she wasn’t sure who to blame. Wanda Bonando herself, Sylvia Mulcahy’s translation, or Barbara Clarkson’s charts. (‘They might as well have been written by Jeremy Clarkson for all the use they are,’ she complained.)

All has turned out ok at last, however. As for the author herself though, the Internet reveals little info. I suggested that translator Sylv and chart writer Barbs may in fact be aliases of Wanda Bonando, who, I suspect, may actually be a Sicilian lorry driver with creative leanings. But don’t quote me on any of that, because…

…I could be wrong.