Knit if you want. Crochet if you must. But don’t talk to me about braiding. Because I found out recently that there is actually no such thing as a braider!
The shock came when we were watching Countdown on Friday 10 November. For those who have never seen it (ie, about two hundred thousand Americans for a start 🙂 ) contestants have to get the longest word possible from a selection of nine letters. Winners stand to take home the grand prize of…a teapot.
Anyway, one hapless anagrammer suggested the word ‘braider’ and was promptly informed by the venerable Susie Dent of the Oxford English Dictionary (an excuse for a lexicon if ever there was one 🙂 ) that ‘braider’ was not a valid word.
So if you are (or think you are a) a braider, sorry but your time is up. Prepare to live the rest of your days in an existential quandary.
Or alternatively, take up knitting instead. You know you want to.
Knitting. It’s not just a skill: it’s an art. But what happens if you are one of those multi-creative types who just can’t make up their mind whether to craft a beautiful sweater or churn out a few watercolours?
As you may have guessed, I have the perfect solution.
With a smattering of primary colours on standby (or in my case a few tubes of dried-up gouache) and your favourite plastic palette, you can safely grab a ball of artistic chunky acrylic and a couple of art brushes and start knitting away, safe in the knowledge that you can frog your boring yarn project whenever the call of the post-Impressionists reaches your artistic ear.
I did a few rows of what I have dubbed ‘artist’s two-by-two rib’ before I realised I was destined to be the next Monet. Being a typical artistic rebel I used two different brush sizes: number five and number three. Is that radical or what! 🙂
Not sure if she was inspired by my incessant verbal waffling. (Unlikely 🙂 ) Or by my enjoyment of toasted waffles for breakfast. But whatever the reason, Shana recently treated me to not one, not two, but three whole 50g balls of Sirdar ‘Husky’ Super Chunky waffle yarn. Shana thought the white flecks were little pieces of marshmallow, but perhaps she was feeling hungry when she looked at the yarn. Like the starving character played by Charlie Chaplin in silent classic ‘The Gold Rush’ when he ate his own boots, sometimes almost anything can look like food. But if I find Shana eating my most recent project, I shall take immediate umbrage. Marshmallows indeed!
Anyway, as it was proper man-sized yarn I could hardly knit little pieces of chunky lace patterns, could I? So I did what any super chunky yarn is meant for: I knitted a scarf. I did it (in proper fisherman’s rib stitch, no less) using a pair of 150mm wooden needles. Did I say 150mm? Well that must be either a typo or a telegraph pole. Figure that out for yourself (consider it a bonus Craftshack puzzle, why not?).
For stats obsessives, I just measured the scarf and it is easily eight feet long. And if Shana helps me put it on and stands of one end of it, she can probably get it quite tight too. That should keep me warm when the Arctic blasts arrive 🙂
Not long ago I wrote about how I had made my parents a scarf each for Christmas. Well, that wasn’t all, because I also collaborated with Shana to make them a Christmas wreath too. No point reinventing the wheel though (or in this case, the wreath) so Shana found an excellent set of instructions in a book called ‘Twas the Knits Before Christmas by Fiona Goble (Ivy Press, 2011). The link, by the way, is just a straightforward link. In other words, we earn nada, zip, and doodly-squat if you click on it, so boo-hoo for us but buy the book anyway ‘cos it’s good.
Anyway, I knitted all the various shades of green for the base colours on this ten-inch masterpiece. And Shana did the bird and the flowers and petals that adorn it. Finally, I hopped onto my trusty lucet and magicked up a goodly length of hanging cord so Ma and Pa can dhow it off to all and sundry, or just sit and wonder at it themselves.
Aren’t they the lucky ones? 🙂